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As a pastor, I
sometimes counsel persons who say, "I have tried to forgive but I just
can’t forget. How can I forget?"
The answer is, "You
probably can’t and you often shouldn’t even if you could."
If a person borrows
money and never repays it, the Bible teaches that we must forgive and go
on. However, it would probably be wise to remember and not loan that
person any more money.
If a person betrays
a trust or divulges confidential information, we must forgive and go on.
But it would be wise not to share sensitive information with that person
in the future.
Timothy was a young
protégé of the Apostle Paul. In Paul’s last known communication before
his death, he warned Timothy, "Alexander the metalworker did me a great
deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You too
should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our
message." (2 Timothy 4:14-15)
Paul had clearly
forgiven Alexander. He was not seeking revenge. Paul lived by Psalm 37:
"Do not fret because of evil men. Trust in the Lord and do good. Refrain
from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret – it leads only to evil."
Nevertheless, Paul
warns Timothy that just as Alexander has opposed the Church in the past,
he is likely to do so in the future. Paul is saying, "Don’t forget what
he did. Be prepared in case it happens again. Do not trust Alexander."
If forgiveness requires forgetfulness, we are in a hopeless trap. Some
things – like the death of a child at the hands of a drunk driver or a
spouse who walks out – cannot be forgotten here on earth.
And yet such things
can be forgiven. Forgiveness is setting ourselves free from the
perpetrator and his actions against us. Setting ourselves free requires
that we leave judgment and retribution in God’s hands. It means allowing
ourselves to begin to heal from our pain and to refuse to use injustices
as an excuse for our attitudes and actions.
Healing begins with
forgiveness. Those who forgive a person or a situation stop using it as
a crutch to get what they want out of others. They quit trying to hold a
pity party for themselves and move on. Instead of nursing their hurts
and making the world a gloomier place, they choose to brighten the world
in spite of their hurts.
Everyone who has
been wronged is faced with a choice. They can try to bring the rest of
the world down to their level of pain, or they can try to lift the rest
of the world up so that others do not have to walk through their level
of pain.
As Christians we
are called to "rejoice in the Lord always" (Philippians 4:4). But that
does not always mean we should forget. Eventually, the event may be
wrapped in time and slowly fade from memory. However, in other cases it
may remain an indelible scar in our minds, waiting to be healed in
heaven. It is in heaven and not on earth that God promises that "the
former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind."
(Isaiah 65:17)
Paul Jetter, Upper Valley Community Church |
